I have gone through many emotions. I denied I had it. I got madder then I can tell you. Now I'm scared. There is this big "if" looming over me. "If I have surgery"... I have seen pictures of decompression surgeries. I have family and friends reassuring me , through research they have done, that the surgery will go well and I will be better after it. I don't know what I need to hear but I haven't heard it yet. I do need to hear from them that it will be ok... but I'm still scared.
I have willingly jumped out of a perfectly good airplane days before I walked in my high school graduation. I ride motorcycles and plan to track race or train some day soon. I do all kinds of risky things that have a similar risk as this surgery and am not afraid. But I'm scared of this. Maybe because when I do risky things they are all at my hand..in this case I have no control. What must I do? What do I need to hear? To not be scared?
The title works. A journey indeed. Thanks for the comments. It puts a big smile on my face. :) It is great to have so much support.
-AP
2 comments:
Dear Amanda,
The definition of courage is to go on, despite being scared. Being scared is quite sane and normal. I am sure you were (a little?) scared when you first rode a motorcycle or went skydiving, but you did it anyways. The fact that you are facing your fears DESPITE the fear is what shows true bravery; true courage! Let that sink in... you are strong enough, you are brave enough. You will get through this because of that.
Hang in there, sweetie, and make the most of each day!
Love,
Jeanne
Mandy,
Just like jumping out of planes or racing motorcycles defines who you are, this Journey is just another defining moment in your life.
I know it is scary, the unknown alwasys is.
But if there is one thing I am sure of you will fight to come through this experience with flying colors. And then your attention will shift to helping others that face their Chiari Journeys.
Thats just the kind of person you are!!!!! And I love you for it!
Love
Uncle John
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